Hi! I’m Emily, the young woman behind the Instagram @cooking_emily, and now this blog. I am eighteen years old, and while college keeps me busy, I always find my way back to the kitchen. My interest in health and wellness has been a bumpy road, but I am grateful to share my story with you in the hopes of helping others.

My Unhealthy Obsession with Food

In March of 2015, I began to have a lack of interest in what I was putting into my body. I wasn’t trying to get skinnier or diet, but I definitely was not eating enough (which I refused to believe for awhile).

Because of the food that I actually was putting into my body, I considered myself “healthy,” but I was far from it. (There were lots of veggies and fruit which was good, but I needed more protein and healthy fats to actually sustain me.)

In reality, the so-called ‘healthy habits’ that I thought I had were actually disordered eating ones, which I didn’t even know existed until almost two year later. I always felt exhausted (due to lack of nutrients) and had constant mood swings.

My body was screaming for real, sustainable food, but I wasn’t listening.  My life did not have a lot of sunshine.

I rarely ate dessert--probably twice a month--and when I did, I ate a lot of it (almost like binging), disregarding my fullness and not listening to my body whatsoever. I was so stubborn with my “healthy” eating that my family began to express frustration because I wasn’t fun to eat with anymore because of my rigid food rules.

Some Warning Signs

June rolled around and I went for my yearly physical.  The doctor told me I had lost ten pounds in the past year. This of course caused lots of commotion, and my doctor gave me the summer to try and gain weight, or else I would have to get blood work done. After that doctor’s appointment, I remember going to Target, and while we were there, my mom bought a box of protein bars for me, because “anything for more calories,” she said.

It became a constant struggle for me to eat more– I liked to eat, but when people told me to eat more to gain weight, I shut down. What 14 year old wants to be told they should gain weight by eating dessert (#sugarrush!) ?

Someone asked me, “Why don’t you just eat then?” — well hello, obviously I eat, but I didn’t want to gain weight by eating cookies and ice cream all day. I wanted to gain weight from nutritious foods like salmon and chicken and avocado!

Despite not liking feeling full after eating, I ate when I wasn’t hungry quite a bit because I used the excuse of needing to gain more weight. I didn’t have any sense of mindful eating or actually listening to what my body really wanted to eat (instead of eating certain foods because I should).

A New Perspective

Fast forward to 2016, and I had gained back most of the weight I lost and was “healthy” again and didn’t have quite so many harming thoughts toward food, some disordered habits were still present inside me. During Christmas break of that year, I started my cooking Instagram, and a few months later, I found Lisa, @thewellnecessities.

Lisa opened up a whole new world to me: you didn’t have to have specific eating disorders like bulimia or anorexia to have disordered eating habits! I was amazed and shocked and overwhelmed at the same time because I realized (almost two years after my disorder eating) that that’s exactly what I dealt with!

Finding Joy & Nourishing Myself with Food

Throughout 2017, I really learned the value of food. It is nourishment and joyous. It should not create suffering and crying, nor should it make you feel ashamed of yourself. By following people like Lisa on Instagram who had experienced something similar to me who do NOT preach diets or exercising to “compensate for the weekend,” I began to beat down the wall of disordered eating habits that still were with me.

I began to feel more at peace with myself and with food. I’d be lying if I said that everyday is great and I always show self-love to myself. Though, I can say that I practice self compassion more, and that I’m happier today than I was one, two, and especially three years ago.

Though I would not ever want myself or anyone to go through that difficult journey, I know that I would not be typing these words if I hadn’t. Life is a beautiful thing— a tough year of struggles had completely and amazingly changed my life, and I thank God every day for the life, family, and friends He continues to bless me with.

And now, here I am, fueling my body with delicious, REAL food from my Easy Asian Stir-Fry to Eating Evolved chocolate and so many other delicious REAL foods. I’m enjoying life because, hey, life has too much to offer to be anything but happy!

I hope you enjoy all the delicious recipes on my blog. I hope to hear from you soon!

xoxo,

Emily